What I Learned in My First Year of Marriage: A Real and Honest Reflection

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I wish this was one of those mushy, gushy posts about our first year of marriage — the kind filled with candlelit dinners, dreamy getaways, and newlywed bliss.

But our story looked a little different.

Just two weeks before our wedding, we were planning a funeral instead of finalizing last-minute details. Three weeks in, we were both hit with the worst stomach flu we’ve ever had. And over the course of the year, we faced a scary diagnosis, a major career change, and some of the most uncertain days of our lives.

No, this year wasn’t perfect. But it was real.
And through all the heaviness, we learned to love each other more deeply than I ever thought possible.

This is what our first year of marriage taught me — not the pretty version, but the honest, sacred, beautifully human one.

 Lesson 1: Love Shows Up — Even in Grief

One of the most powerful first year of marriage lessons I’ve learned is that love doesn’t always look like grand gestures. Sometimes, in the middle of deep grief and uncertainty, love simply means holding his hand, passing the tissues, or offering a long embrace when it’s needed most.

After the unexpected passing of my father-in-law, I was scared I wouldn’t know how to be there for Matt — or what to say. We had never experienced loss together, let alone something this deep and personal.

But in all that fear, something inside me shifted. My heart softened, and I realized I didn’t need the perfect words. I just needed to love him — to be there. And that, I’ve learned, is one of the most important things you can do for the person you love.

On the flip side, I honestly expected Matt to shut down — and I would’ve completely understood if he had. I was ready to sit quietly beside him, to hold space for him to grieve however he needed. But instead, he leaned in. He loved me even harder.

In the middle of so much heartache, we didn’t drift apart — we clung to each other. Our love, quiet and steady, became the only thing holding us together. That kind of love is what carries you.

At the end of the day, it’s not the easy seasons that define a marriage. It’s the way you show up for each other when life gets unbearably hard. Because it’s your love — and your commitment to keep choosing each other — that carries you through.

Lesson 2: Marriage Is Navigating Real Life — Together

After our wedding and a quick weekend honeymoon to a local resort, we were thrown right back into real life — grief, paperwork, and the exhausting process of finalizing estates.

It was one of those real, unfiltered first year of marriage experiences that no one really prepares you for.

Neither of us knew what we were doing, and it felt like an overwhelming, frustrating maze. The whole thing dragged on for eight months, and it was emotionally and mentally draining. Matt was working 10+ hour days, an hour away from home, and trying to handle everything estate-related on his one day off — Fridays. He was constantly running back and forth, only to be told, “we don’t do that anymore” or “you’ll need to contact someone else.” It was exhausting.

As the only child and the primary estate holder, so much of the responsibility fell on Matt. I could only help so much — organizing what he needed to do, looking up information, and keeping track of paperwork. But my biggest role as his wife during that time was simply to be there for him. To support him however I could, even if that just meant being a steady presence when things felt like too much.

It wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t fun. But what it did teach us was how to show up for each other — even when everything felt heavy.

Some days, we were both completely spent — physically, emotionally, and mentally. But even then, we didn’t pull away. We leaned in.

And while most of those days weren’t filled with romantic dinner dates or five-star getaways, we still found ways to connect. Sometimes that just looked like falling asleep in each other’s arms while watching a show… or sticking to our Sunday coffee runs because they felt like a little piece of normal in the middle of the chaos.

Lesson 3: In Sickness and in Health Isn’t Just a Vow — It’s a Bond

We really learned what “in sickness and in health” meant — and not in the way we expected. There’s something about being sick that strips away any sense of pride or control.

I love Matt and I trust him completely, but there’s a different kind of vulnerability that comes when you’re truly sick in front of someone for the first time. It forces you to let go — to trust that they’ll be there for you no matter what. And vice versa.

We were both so sick — like, both-ends kind of sick — just weeks into marriage. But somehow, even through the grossness, it brought us closer.

Matt looked at me in the middle of it all and said, “So… in sickness and in health,” and we started laughing — the best we could, anyway. That moment felt so real, so human, and honestly… so us.

I know that vow usually brings to mind more serious illnesses — and those seasons do matter so deeply. But this moment, even with just the flu, showed us how real that vow becomes in the everyday. We learned to take care of each other, to lean on each other, and to laugh through it. And somehow, that week brought us even closer.

Romance wasn’t roses that week — it was Gatorade, crackers, and holding each other’s hair back. And somehow, that felt just as intimate.

Lesson 4: Fear Makes You Brave When You Face It Together

Five months into our marriage, we found out Matt had a tumor and needed to have it removed. I’ll never forget the moment the doctor looked at us and said, “It’s not a cyst — it’s something else.” I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

I stayed calm on the outside, knowing Matt was most definitely scared. I kept repeating, “We don’t know anything for sure yet. Until we do, it’s all okay.” I think I said it just as much for him as I did for myself.

His surgery ended up getting postponed, and life felt heavy all over again. The waiting, the not knowing — it was draining. We just wanted the surgery to be over and to have answers. But looking back, everything truly happened for a reason.

Matt finally had his surgery, and thankfully, all the tests came back okay. It felt like a massive weight was lifted off both of us. We could breathe again. We could start moving forward.

While Matt was recovering, he had some hard conversations with his bosses and ultimately made the decision to quit his job — the one he’d had since we started dating. And just like that, we were stepping into another unknown together.

But we held on. Together. And we were ready to face whatever was next for us.

I trusted that this was the right path — even though it felt scary. I knew Matt needed to leave. That job was draining him, and it was clear he couldn’t stay somewhere that didn’t appreciate who he was or all that he gave.

It was the kind of season where time felt frozen. But even in all the fear and uncertainty, we found each other’s hands — and didn’t let go.

Through all the fear, we knew we had each other — and that’s one of the most beautiful things about marriage. You have your best friend, your safe place, and your biggest supporter by your side. And that makes even the scariest seasons feel a little more bearable.

Lesson 5: Even When Life Felt Heavy, Loving Him Was Easy

As I reflect on our first year of marriage, I realize that through all the loss, fear, and change — I never once felt like our marriage was a burden.

I remember Matt and me saying that our marriage felt like the only thing going right while everything else around us felt like it was falling apart.

Everything around us felt uncertain — but our marriage never did. Grieving was hard. Starting over was hard. Facing a diagnosis was hard. But loving Matt? That was the easiest thing in the world. Our relationship became the calm in the chaos, and I’m so grateful for the way we’ve continued to choose each other through it all.

We practiced our vows every single day — choosing to stay, to love, and to not give up on each other even when things felt heavy. Being a strong, united front is what carried us through it all. And even now, I don’t take for granted just how comforting it is to know that in every season… we’re in this together.

You hear everyone say that marriage is a choice — something you have to work at every day. And I remember a couple of years ago, I didn’t fully understand what that meant. But now I do.

You can love someone deeply, with your whole heart… and still have to choose them, especially when life gets hard. At the end of the day, you choose to stay. You choose to reach for their hand. You choose to stand by them when things feel heavy. And that daily choice? That’s where real love lives.

 Lesson 6: Supporting Each Other Looks Different in Every Season

One of the biggest roles of a spouse is learning how to truly support one another — and what I’ve learned is that support doesn’t always look the same. In every stage and season we went through this year, it looked different.

I had to learn to ask my husband, “What does support look like for you today?” Because sometimes, it was just listening. Other times, it was giving him space, or helping him sort through decisions, or just reminding him that I believe in him.

From walking with him through grief… to supporting him through the identity shift of leaving the job he’d had since high school… to recovering from surgery… to the overwhelming unknown of starting his own business — support wasn’t always natural or obvious, but it mattered so much.

And honestly, the best thing you can do is simply ask your spouse what they need from you — and then show up with an open heart.

Lesson 7: Laughter Is a Lifeline

Another beautiful thing about marriage is that you truly get to spend it with your best friend.

We cried a lot together during our first year — there were so many heavy, emotional moments. But we also belly laughed, even when we were running on empty.

I remember one night, we were both so tired and stressed, and somehow we ended up laughing over something completely random and ridiculous — I couldn’t even tell you what it was now.

But in that moment, it reminded us that even in the middle of the hard, there was still joy. There was still us.

Laughter has this incredible way of grounding you. It softens the hard days and brings you back to each other. Some of our silliest, most unexpected laughs happened right in the middle of chaos — and those moments reminded us we were still a team, still each other’s favorite person.

Laughter is a wonderful thing… and it’s even better when it’s shared with your spouse. It’s the quiet reminder that even when life feels serious, there’s always room to find joy in each other.

The Beauty of the Hard Year

To reflect and look back on our first year of marriage… yes, it was hard. But it was also deeply refining.

We learned how to grow together, how to show up for each other, and how to get through anything — as long as we stay side by side and keep choosing each other every single day.

Our first year of marriage looked nothing like we expected. But now, looking back, it feels like every moment — even the painful ones — were meant to happen.

Because they brought us here. And they helped us lay down a stronger, more rooted foundation to continue building our life on.

We didn’t just survive our first year — we grew roots. Deep ones. And I know whatever comes next, we’re ready to keep growing together.

Here’s to year two — and everything beautiful it may hold. 🤍